Sunday, July 18, 2021

I've finished James Patterson's "The Shadow"...

 

  ... and it couldn't have have happened fast enough.  This is an absolute slap in the face to fans of The Shadow.  Walter B. Gibson must be spinning in his grave at what has been published.  I was willing to give this book a chance, simply because it was a name author that was "writing" this story.  Even though I knew it took place 66 years into our future and 150 years into Lamont Cranston's future I thought to myself "Conde Nast wouldn't jeopardize their property with a mediocre story to find a new audience."  If only it were good enough to be called mediocre.  This is, to put it kindly, garbage.

  Lamont and Margo are supposedly real life versions of the radio characters and this has nothing to do with the pulps.  The villain, not surprisingly nor original, is Shiwan Khan.  The tale opens in 1937, two years before Khan is introduced in the pulps.  Poor planning already.  Khan poisons the couple and Lamont barely makes it to a warehouse for purposes to be revealed.  Since this is so poorly written the reader has to have never read a book, seen a movie or otherwise been exposed to media of any sort not to know that the couple will be undergoing some super science medical procedure.  Cut to 2087.  We are introduced to Maddy Gomes who is the true main character of this travesty.  She has some mental powers and uses them to make people do what she wants, mainly to get out of her way so she can run off.  She lives with her Grandma and a dog named Bando.  She inherits, oh, who cares.  Let's just say that the main points are plain as day with no real attempt to be clever (sorry Mr. Gibson).  I could have given all of this a pass except that these two authors decided that the pulps were not true and the radio program was only slightly less false.  Here is a passage from chapter 36:

  [Maddy pulled the top magazine from the pile.  The cover illustration showed a swarthy man in a black leather coat and a wide-brimmed hat.  A long red scarf covered his lower face.  He brandished a heavy-duty pistol.

 "So," said Maddy.  "That's you?"

Lamont shifted awkwardly on the bed.  He remembered those stories, and they embarrassed him.  Dime store trash.  He'd only read a few.]

Dime store trash?!  They couldn't even be bothered to reference the covers of the pulps rather defaulting to a comic book cover, I'm guessing.  He has a similar, if less derogatory, opinion of the radio program.  I don't feel like typing the opening to the show but they couldn't even get that right.  He states that he "never laughed like that in my life.  Total showbiz nonsense!"  sigh...

Still, I pushed on.  I wanted to see how they tied Maddy in with Lamont and Margo.  However, along the way we find out that Lamont and Shiwan have been around for 10,000 years.  Yep, 100 centuries.  Okay, let's see how they explain that.  They don't.  Instead, Lamont's "powers" start to mutate. (I shudder to even write this next part)  He discovers that he can transform into something else.  First (and second) it's a cat.  No, he doesn't use his mind to make people think he turned into a cat, he actually does.  Later he turns into a brick wall to stop a bus that is bearing down on the trio.  But wait, the bus is actually Khan.  He has the same ability.  And Lamont discovers he can throw fireballs from his hands (it's only fair since Khan can shoot lightning from his).  Aaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh!!!!!!

I'm guessing that the pitch was something along the lines of "Harry Potter is really popular so let's make this icon of American pulp into something magical".  And their response?  "Whatever you want, Mr. Patterson.  And make sure it's got a YA feel to it."

Along the way in this pathetic excuse for a reboot they reference Batman (Goddamned copycat! said Lamont), name a councilman DeScavage (uh huh) and write a near gang rape of a teenage girl (Maddy).  Let's talk about trash.

Please, do yourself a favor and learn from my pain.  Avoid this novel at all costs.  My worst fear is that this is the blueprint that the powers that be are wanting to take our beloved hero and his legacy.  The only ray of hope I can find is that nowhere in the copyright info is Conde Nast listed.  Perhaps they wanted to separate themselves once they read the actual book.  Let's pray that this is just a one off and is viewed as an alternate universe, Wold Newton type of aberration.  If they want to actually make new stories I say give Will Murray a chance.  I think he handled the character pretty well with the two crossover novels in his Doc Savage series.  That's Doc Savage, not DeScavage.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for the warning. I was already hesitant because I don't like Patterson and the idea of The Shadow in modern times doesn't usually work. From what you've said, it didn't work again. You're right, Will Murray could have done a good job. At least he respects the material.

    ReplyDelete